Raw

So here I am. What I know is that, "God is able to make all grace abound towards me, that I always having all sufficiency in all things, may have an abundance for every good work."

For me this is ever a great revelation of being in Christ Jesus. It's truth. It simply is. It's just funny how grace works. (Not really funny 'ha ha', but more the other kind) It's funny because in order to experience the fullness of it's depths and our need for it- in it's very essence; our sin, our flesh, what makes us too comfortable is put to death but instead we are given true life as we pick up our cross... Now I know that we know this and this is basic 'knowing Jesus' stuff... but I suppose that what I mean is kinda: to experience grace you need grace itself. I am wrinkling my own brain and mainly just expressing myself... but it's cuz....

I am sitting here, knowing I am where I am meant to be. Here in England with the man I have not only chosen to love but am called to love and walk with. And it's good. He declared it good. And I am not sad. I am just a bit raw.
I am part of a body of Christ and ministry that is constantly reminding, encouraging and edifying me to remember that my flesh is dead. I am raised with Christ. It's not I but Christ. I must deny myself. That we are not a 'soul-ish' people but we are people of God's spirit. This is all true. It definitely is... but I think sometimes being around here they accidentally make a person feel like their soul (their mind, will and emotions) is wrong. And it of course isn't. It is wrong when it isn't submitted to the Spirit of God but our soul in it of itself is not wrong. God gave us our soul as part of HIS nature ON PURPOSE. JESUS had a soul.
And right now, my soul is a bit downcast. And it never really has been properly before. I of course have had rough times and what not but Jesus has always graced me with a thick layer of friendships. Friendships that are not only fun, but deeply true, noble, just, pure, lovely, good, virtuous, and even praiseworthy. He has allowed my soul to be really full. My cup overflowed, my love tank was full... just always, even when I had a rough patch I had people to help undo the bad stuff and my heart was just always full. But now.....

Now I don't have those people around me.

I have left most of those people in Lancaster County, PA. And the ones I had in Horsham, England have moved about the country up to 5 hours away. Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of pleasant and polite people around; just not people who minister to my soul. (besides my husband but that's different) But I think that's where He's asking me to experience His grace in a way I never needed to before. Previously, His grace was acted out by giving me a wealth of friendships to minister to me. And now, at least for a time, in His grace He it teaching me that He alone is my all sufficiency. He alone is not only my strength,but in my weakness His strength is made perfect. He alone fills my cup. (He gave me my cup in the first place) What I needa do is walk in the Grace that is there and know who Jesus is more and more.

So here I am. What I know is that, "God is able to make all grace abound towards me, that I always having all sufficiency in all thing, may have an abundance in every good work."